10 Things about BDSM you won’t learn from movies

Since the “Fifty Shades of Grey” phenomenon, BDSM gained momentum all over the world, among many age groups who had never heard of it before.

photo source flickr.com/ Photo by Edouardo Santos

1. What does this term really mean?

B&D – bondage and discipline

D&S – dominance and submission

S&M – sadism and masochism

All these themes are condensed in the acronym BDSM, but it means more than that. Moreover, one individual may be interested only in one or two themes, not in absolutely all of them.

2. It does not always involve sex.

Some people prefer to draw a clear line between BDSM and sex, while others would rather combine them. Remember when you invited someone over at your house to watch a movie. Sometimes you would see the movie and that was all, but other times this was leading towards sex.

3. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking it.

Many people are under the impression that if you like to practice BDSM this means you have some childhood traumas or some mental issues. That’s a completely wrong assumption, due to the lack of information.

BDSM is not domestic violence, but a life style chosen by certain people. It can be practiced 24/7 or only in the bedroom. We’ll go in further details in our next article.

4 You can say NO anytime.

BDSM it’s not about everything or nothing. Being a submissive individual does not mean you have to do absolutely everything your partner tells you to do.
One of the basic rules is abbreviated SSC – Safe, Sane, Consensual, that is to say everything that happens must take place in safe conditions (from the place, to the tools used, individuals’ heath etc.), the participants must not be under any influence (alcohol or other substances) and, most important, the partners must agree with everything that takes place.

5. BDSM people are exactly like vanilla people.

They are not less unhappy or anxious than those not practicing it. On the contrary, a higher level of tolerance was observed among BDSM partners compared to the vanilla partners. Likewise, there is a lower stress level and fewer arguments, because BDSM is largely based on trust between partners, something that impacts on the relationship too.

6. In the BDSM community, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is considered a complete disgrace.

If you are attending a meeting with such people, it is better not to mention the movie or the book. While some appreciate the book for the details it addresses and its writing style, many blame the movie for the abusive and unhealthy relationship depicted and its unrealistic scenes.

7. It isn’t always and only about whips and chains.

Sure enough, some may own these things in their arsenal, but not everybody is dead keen on pain. Some people prefer sensual domination or other types of “games” that don’t involve pain. Nobody imposes anything on anybody else and the partners do only the things they like.

8. There are dominant, submissive, top, bottom and many other roles.

It’s known that dominants want to dictate and the submissive ones to be led, but BDSM individuals may identify themselves in a number of other ways. For instance, someone who likes being tied, but is not interested in other BDSM practices may be termed “rope bottom”. Of course, one can play more roles in the same scene or in different scenes. Individuals who like both to dominate and submit may be switch may be switch or hedonists.

9. It may be simple (light BDSM) or very broad (hard BDSM).

Probably the idea of being tied a little, of taking or giving a few bottom slaps appeals to you. Or you may like leather masks, latex suits, wax on your skin and nipple clamps. All these and many more are encompassed in BDSM, and many people practice it without realizing it. I’ve actually met lots of people which, during our discussions, have told me that they had no idea there was a term for what they were doing and that they simply thought they were having sex in a slightly more exotic fashion.

10. There always must be an agreed safe word.

photo source flickr.com/ photo by Homo Inanis

Since during the scenes or before a sexual intercourse many individuals will say NO just because they want to be forced a little bit, in order to avoid doubts the safest thing is to agree upon a safe word. The most common are “red” and “stop”. At the beginning some individuals use also “yellow” in order to say “you are getting close to one of my limits” or “I can’t hold on too much longer” and “green” for “it’s ok, go on”, but in time the partners get to know each other and to recognize certain reactions, and so they’ll keep just on word, namely the basic one that means “stop”.

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