I had a chat with Submissive Goddess about her triggers of pleasure, but also about initiation into submissive practices as a distinctive wing of BDSM. Pursuant to the Urban Dictionary a submissive person is a person who submits to the dominator. But is it actually that simple?
Sexpectation: What is the proper term to define the type of submissive sexuality you are practicing?
Submissive Goddess: Subcurious, that’s the term that comes to mind. This is still a new journey for me but I identify with the submissive culture but I have a curious sexual nature that craves trying new things with in that submissive dynamic.
photo source: courtesy of Submissive Goddess
Sexpectation: How did you start your journey exploring it?
Submissive Goddess: I think I’ve always had a fascination with BDSM, but once I met my boyfriend/Dom. (which adds a whole other dimension to the lifestyle by the way ) He was into it before I met him and he was supportive in allowing me to explore that side of myself.
Sexpectation: Where does the link between pleasure and pain come from?
Submissive Goddess: For me the link is the understanding of what pain does to heighten the level of pleasure. You can’t have one without the other. They go together for me. You come to appreciate the pleasure more after the pain has been inflicted. Also, the pain is deliberate, pain is never given without a reason. Plus, it’s such an intense experience that sometimes it’s hard to describe just how much you want the pain just to feel the overwhelming pleasure.
Sexpectation: Do you get more pleasure if you don’t know beforehand what your partner is up to?
Submissive Goddess: Yes actually, the suspense of not knowing is probably my favorite part of the sessions. Just the control he takes of me is delicious. I remember one session where he put a blind fold and ear buds with loud music so I’ll my senses where muted and tied up of course. I always have a bit of a hard time with the cane but limiting my senses helped with not flinching allowing me to take the pain. The pleasure that followed was off the charts.
photo source: courtesy of Submissive Goddess
Sexpectation: Why do you think so many people are yet reluctant to try it out?
Submissive Goddess: I think there’s a stigma associated with it. People look at it as demeaning to others but it’s the exact opposite. The submissive has more power and control over their Dom. They are the ones who are giving their will and giving their trust to another. Subs have the control it’s their choice of when to submit to their Dom. I also believe if people were given the opportunity to explore they would take it. I get followers from all walks of life and it always surprises me who’s actually into it. From a stay at home mom, to the girl next door and even possibly your grandpa.
Sexpectation: In what part of the world are people most inclined to do it?
Submissive Goddess: I’ve found I have a lot more European followers and Middle East as well, but it seems to me that people in Europe are more accepting of this lifestyle.
Sexpectation: What was your most extreme experience?
Submissive Goddess: Hmmm….that’s an interesting question because each experience is different in its own way with its own extreme nature. I would have to say when I was strapped to the table with saran wrap, rope, cuffed, and ball gag in mouth. I was completely vulnerable and eager to please. He used the wand as well as a crop, his hand and I think whip. Mind you I was also blind folded. I have a picture on my Instagram page to remember it. Just the combination of all these created a very intense time.
Photo source: courtesy of Submissive Goddess
Sexpectation: What would you recommend to beginners who want to try it out?
Submissive Goddess: Go slow, research what looks interesting. Find someone who has your best interests in mind when doing this lifestyle. The key is to find someone who respects you as a sub. Communications is key to this, you need to say what you’re okay with and what you are not. After each session discuss what worked and what didn’t. Don’t be with someone that will just want to hurt you for the sake of hurting you. There’s a 100% difference in abuse and submission.
To give you a clear idea about what I’m talking about, my Dominator and I talk to lots of new people that are into this or want to get into this lifestyle and just have questions about how it is for us. We had one woman we were chatting with and she was just starting off.
Unfortunately, the Dominator she was with did not go slow in the beginning and I felt it was straight out abuse. (Example: She said she was lippy with him while out at dinner and he gave her an enema later that night.) Which in my opinion looked more like abuse then actual Dom/Sub relationship. The punishment didn’t fit the situation I felt. I asked her if she had every had one and she said no. To each is own, but when you’re just starting out go slow enjoy the process.